Train Wrecks, Out of Body Experiences, and Accepting that Perfection Isnt Always Going to Happen...

When I was about 17 I went through this Sarah McLachlan (is that how you spell her name?) phase. Since then I have grown out of that phase of my life, but every once in awhile one of those songs pops into my head, yesterday was one of those times. Yesterday was my graduate project defense, think of it as a master's thesis defense (it is a little different but same general idea), and the best way to describe my thoughts during the defense comes from a line of an old Sarah McLachlan song, The song is titled train wreck, and the line that comes to mind goes a bit like this "Cause I'm a train wreck waiting to happen, waiting for someone to come and pick me up off the tracks, the wildfire born of frustration..." . I have to describe the entire process as simply an out of body experience. I felt like I was sitting on the back row watching myself defend. I heard the questions, didnt process, and gave a response, it was like watching an old home movie of yourself, one where the volume is a bit sketchy, and where the person is just embarrassing themselves over and over again. I can only hope that a few of my "autopilot" answers at least approached the questions, and were halfway coherent. I left thinking, "if they grant me a pass, it will simply be because the committee cannot bear to sit through another one of those experiences". I left thinking that if I am granted this degree and am eventually able to find a full time job miracles do happen.

To put you all out of your misery, I did pass with qualifications (i believe that is the term), which means I passed but I will need to make revisions before it is official.

Anyway I may be being a bit harsh, I like things to go perfectly, and this was so far from perfect. It was a growing experience. The committee had some really insightful questions, things I should have considered, and things I am grateful they brought to my attention, but this, like middle school was a painful and uncomfortable growing experience. But the end is near and I will be better because of this experience so all in all life is good!

PS. Thank you to all of my fellow MPHers that attended the defense, I know it was long, and I KNOW there are more exciting things to do, but I really appreciate that you were able to come when Brian wasnt able to! Thanks a million!