As I move into this next stage of life I am a little bit worried. For the past 25 years I have been a somewhat independent person. Even these past 5 years as I have been married I have still been somewhat independent. I had my own major, my own graduate school, and now my own career. Soon those things are going to be less important and much less of a part of my life than they are now. I am going to go from my own independent person to someone’s mom. Don’t get me wrong, I know I will retain some of my current self, but there are things that will change. There will be fewer meetings, fewer evaluations, fewer opportunities for career advancement (do you go from new mom to just mom?) and let’s face it a massive pay cut, but still I think it is going to be great. I think I have reached the point where I am okay with putting those things on hold for something different, new, and I would venture to say even more rewarding. With all that being said, I am still nervous, and especially nervous about two things in particular: what I am going to do all day, and whether or not I am going to turn into a crazy mom.
Let’s venture down these paths for a minute. First off, what in the world am I going to do all day once Baby Mug arrives? Everyone has reassured me that I will be busy once he is here, but I have to ask again, what am I going to be busy doing? Lots of people have more than one kid and they seem to manage, how is one little guy going to keep me busy all day long? No seriously tell me, what am I going to do all day I need to know. See what I meant about panicking?
Second issue, I am a little nervous about turning into sweatpants or even worse yet a jumper wearing mom with the bang poof (you know what I mean), tight bun, no make up, and keds with folded down or better yet slouched socks. You know the people I am talking about, they tend to make awesome cookies, and have a perfectly planned shopping list, but they look… really scary. I don’t want to be one of these moms. I told Brian this, to which he replied with something like “you wear jeans though”, okay let’s put it this way I am a little bit afraid of turning into someone that wears mom jeans (you know the tapered super high waisted kind with the tucked in t shirt). All of my friends have kids and have avoided this, how do you avoid it? I am sure the mom jeans, jumpers, and sweats are super comfy, and let’s face it I am not the world’s most fashionable or fashion conscious person now. Plus it seems like all of those things are fairly resistant to damage from vomit, blowouts, and any other fluids or solids that might end up on a mom, plus who says you need to be fashionable to be a good mom? My fear is really that I head down that path of isolation, that I start taking to CJ all the time, and that forget what it is like to function in the grown up world…. How do you prevent that? How do you remember how to act like a grown up when you don’t see them that much? How do you maintain your “normal” self while still being a mom? I know you guys have answers.
3 comments:
Just make sure you never cross the clothing line of wearing festive applique craft picture shirts, sweatshirts, or long sleeved t-shirts. As long as you don't cross this line you will be the best mom ever! :)
Hey, I never found myself until I had 3 kids...that's when I decided to run. Find something that clears your head, and you find accomplishment. My mom picked sewing, every mom finds something. Your going to spend your time, at first, sleeping, feeding, eating, sleeping, cleaning, showering, sleeping, feeding, etc. Enjoy it! Because real life comes back!!!
As for what you're going to do all day: In the beginning you'll be so busy feeding the baby and changing him around the clock that you'll feel like you don't even have time to shower or brush your teeth. Once that stage passes (your milk supply is up and the baby empties the breast at feedings), you'll have a bit more downtime. With just one little baby to care for, there will certainly be a lot of lonely days where you feel isolated and unstimulated. But as that baby grows into a toddler and a preschooler, you'll eventually get busy with playdates and learning activities, and you'll realize just how much your child needs you there for him. And then you have another baby and realize that you should have cherished your quiet alone time with baby #1 more (can you tell that's what happened to me?!)
As for maintaining your normal self while still being a mom: in my opinion, it's impossible. You change in many ways, and there is no going back. Your life becomes your children. I think I had some postpartum depression with my first (especially given the stark contrast between how sad I felt for a long time after the birth of my first and how great I feel now after the birth of my second), and I utterly grieved my old self and even resented my first new baby. I didn't know who I was anymore, and it took me a long time to figure it out. Now I'm proud to be a mom, and a stay-at-home-mom at that. I love my babies, and I can't imagine life without them.
As for fashion: It becomes much less important than practicality in clothes when you're a mom.
As for opportunities for career advancement as a mom: they're less noticeable or palpable, but they do happen slowly and almost imperceptibly.
Good luck--I know you'll do a great job, and it's good that you're thinking about these concerns now. Here are a couple interesting (not necessarily great) books that you may be interested in reading:
What Mothers Do: Especially When It Looks Like Nothing by Naomi Stadlen
Surrendering to Motherhood: Losing Your Mind, Finding Your Soul by Iris Krasnow
You may not understand or appreciate these books until after you've been mothering your baby for a while.
Your day is full of trying. Trying to take a shower. Trying to make breakfast, lunch, dinner... Trying to keep the house clean (because you are home all day so you "should" be able to manage a clean house like you did when you weren't ever there, right? Trying to make sure Brian has a nice dinner, cute wife and calm sweet happy baby when he gets home from his "hard day at work". And the reason why I say trying is because during all your attempts, the phone rings, your out of milk, so you go to the store and baby has a blow out and you do laundry when you get home... and if you choose to nurse consider it takes them about 20 minutes to eat and only about 120 minutes until they are hungry again.
As far as staying cute... just don't go to "that" section of the store... because in all reality you want to go there because it is so much more comfortable. I found myself walking around the Men's section at target and holding some soft baggy gym shorts in my hands wishing I could just walk around in them and still feel like a woman. :)
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