Rules are good? Are you sure about that?

Parents are interesting people. They don’t get paid for their work, they work basically 24/7, they put up with an insane amount of whining, they are rarely thanked, and they don’t see the fruits of their labor until decades later. I think if there was a “parent job description” very few people would apply, I don’t think I would apply, I know it sounds awful but really? There must be a reason you don’t realize the full brunt of the teen years until you are 13 years into the job. I have been working on a project these last few weeks that considers some the influences parents have on their college aged daughters and the results, in my opinion, are shocking. The girls who’s parents encouraged them to succeed, pushed them hard, had strict rules, and complimented them, are significantly more confident and successful than the girls who’s parents gave them little direction, guidance, rules and encouraged them to change themselves. Granted the results are expected, we pretty much all saw it coming but it was interesting to see the stark contrast between these two styles of upbringing. I have to admit that my parents leaned (very strongly) to the discipline side so I am probably a little biased. But really is as interesting to see that rules (strictly enforced rules even) have had a positive impact on the girls, that isn’t to say that the girls didn’t rebel a little, coming from that side I have to admit I rebelled a lot, especially my freshman year, I rarely went to bed before 4am, why? Because no one could stop me. But after the rebellion and mellowing stages these girls are more successful, more confident and more driven. FYI my purpose is not to imply that the strict parents crushed free thinking, innovation and imagination, but it is interesting to see those that were encouraged to express themselves within well defined boundaries tend to do better later in life. I am aware that correlation does not always imply causation, but I don’t care we are having well defined rules in our house, I think I might be able to put up with the wrath of a 17 year old (and trust me if our kids are anything like Brian and I, it is going to be ugly) if it means that someday she will be more confident, happier and driven. We are definitely going to be the hated parents in the neighborhood… I think I can live with that.