"Home for the Holidays"

The other day someone asked if I was disappointed not to be going "home" this holiday season, I had to think about it for a minute, but after some thought, my answer is no- we are going to be home for the holidays.

My first fall semester at BYU, I was terribly homesick. Christmas couldn't come fast enough. My roommate and I decorated our room for Christmas in October, we had a countdown going, and we listened to Christmas music loud enough to disrupt our entire floor. By the time Christmas came I was thrilled to be "home", but just like I had changed in the 6 months I had been away, home had changed too. Home was wonderful, but I didnt quite fit in there. It took those months of horrible homesickness to help me realize it was time to leave the nest, grow up, and establish home somewhere else.

The first two years I lived in Provo it didn't feel like home, but by the time we left 3 years later it did. As we got ready to pack up our Wymount apartment and move to New York and later Texas I was terrified about leaving "home". I was more afraid to leave Provo at 23 than I had been to leave California 5 years earlier. California had been my childhood home, but Provo had been the place where I had "grown up". It was where I grew into an adult. The place where I had learned to be on my own, the place where I had made friends, the place where Brian and I had met and made a life for ourselves, the thought of leaving our life there behind was heartbreaking. But we did it. We went to New York first and then to Texas. New York never felt like home, but we expected that. Then we moved to Texas. The first year we were here, I jumped at every opportunity to go back to Utah. Utah was home, it was where I felt comfortable, knew my way around, and had friends and family. But over the course of that year I became more comfortable here, got to know my way around, and met some people, and while I still loved every trip to Utah, every trip was less of an attempt to breathe in the safety of home and more of a time to visit with family and friends for a few days.

Over the last year things have changed more, Texas is home now. And while I do still miss all our family and friends scattered around the country, I no longer feel like we are floaters out here in Texas. This past week marks the 2nd anniversary of our move to Texas, I thought I would be sad that we had been here for so long, but I wasnt. Granted the day came and went without celebration, but I think in a way that is good. Life in Texas has become more comfortable. While California is the place I lived as a child, and Utah is the place that I became an adult, Texas is the place where we bought our first house, had our first "grown up" jobs, and where Michael was born- and that is special too. And while we will miss many our friends and family this Thanksgiving and Christmas, I am glad that we will be "home for the holidays".