Have you ever heard about the “bonus changes” of pregnancy? Sure there are the things that you are familiar with- the weight gain, the excessive vomiting, increased trips to the bathroom, etc, but what about those added benefits- things like stretch marks, constipation, hemorrhoids, skin tags, etc? When I was in women’s health the bonus changes discussion often elicited gasps of horror, uncomfortable looks away from other students, and frantic calls in the hallway to friends who had experienced the miracle of life. For those of you that have taken women’s health you know what was on that lovely list, for those of you that haven’t taken the class trust me it is better that you don’t see the whole list. Since I had sat through “bonus changes” night more than once, had many pregnant friends, and done my research I thought that when I got pregnant I would be prepared to deal with any and all changes that the process threw at me- I was so wrong. There is a difference between reading and hearing about things and living them. No one could have effectively explained first trimester fatigue to me- I figured this meant that you were a bit more tired than normal, I never could have imagined that I would feel like someone drop kicked me, ran me over with a car, and then tortured me by depriving me of much needed sleep even after I had slept for 12-14 hours straight. I never could have imagined the joy that the beginning of the second trimester brings- the energy that comes flooding back, the appetite that returns, and how much time you have when you don’t spend half of your day trying not to throw up. No one could have prepared me for some of the “horrors” that bonus changes bring, there have a been a few moments when I have wondered to myself, how can one tiny baby cause my body to turn on me, and will I ever go back to normal? Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled that we are having a baby, but there have been some moments where I have had to sit back and just laugh at the situation. Let me share one of these moments, late last week I found a stretch mark- I know way more information than you needed, but go with me. I know I need to gain weight, and realistically I am never going to wear anything that will show my tummy or this tiny little mark so I will make my peace with it, but when I noticed it, I was devastated. I didn’t love my midsection to begin with, so knowing that it just got even more unattractive ruined my night. I did research, considered possible future solutions, teared up, and then got over it. If there is one at 19 weeks, how awful will it be at 40 weeks, and besides who besides me is going to see? So at the moment I am considering this a good thing- I needed to gain weight and apparently I am, and I can live with one angry red mark- who knows what I will do with two but I am sure I will get to find out soon enough.
So here is my question to you lovely readers- how do you deal with the “bonus changes”? What can I do/say so that these little surprises add some “excitement” but don’t lead to tears? Or is the solution simply to sit back, enjoy the journey and remember that “this too shall pass”?
4 comments:
I'm not an expert. Bonus changes led me to tears tonight (that and a myriad of other factors, but I'd like to think the tears were a result of hormones). I sort of think it's not ever funny in the moment. Sometimes later it's quite funny and you can blog about it, but sometimes it's not.
I guess I think the best thing to do with the bonus changes is to commiserate with other people who are/have been pregnant. This may sound dumb, but there's almost nothing as comforting to me as talking to someone else who has been through it and knows how you feel. (Hint: I am going through it and would love to chat.)
I have no experience with "bonus changes" but I have shared that list with all my pregnant friends and they weren't too thrilled. One thing they all agree on is that the list needs to be named, "bonus" just isn't quite the right word.
I had never heard that term until now, but I sure have plenty of experience with it ;-)
The best way to deal with those bonuses is simply not to think about them. It seems impossible, but try to focus on other things. You can't do anything about them, so you might as well focus your attention on something else...otherwise, tears may begin to trickle out...
Ha, ha, I am laughing now but I wasn't when I was in your shoes! I too had studied so much about birth, breast-feeding, etc. etc. And I said so many I will never or I will always... Let me just say--real life is WAY different than what you study in college books! Be open to what life may throw at you and just know that it gets better with time! I am glad I found your blog--you are a great writer!
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